


Of All Sad Words

by Dr_Faustus



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-22 02:11:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14298492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Faustus/pseuds/Dr_Faustus
Summary: Of regrets and paths not taken.





	Of All Sad Words

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: ST: Voyager and its characters are the property of Paramount Pictures. No infringement is intended and no profit is made from this work.   
> Author’s note: Many thanks to Erin, my beta reader.  
> Archiving: Only with permission of the author (just ask).

Pulling the collar of her coat closer to her to block the wind, Seven remembered Kathryn telling her about winters in Bloomington - how cold they could be.  Her remaining implants kept her warm enough, but there was something comforting, something *human* about the gesture that she appreciated.  Her long legs carried her easily down the gravel path, the stones crunching under her feet.  The trees had turned into a riot of autumn colors but Seven declined to catalogue the various shades and hues in the same way she merely inhaled the faint scent of wood smoke carried on the breeze without analyzing its constituents. 

 

Reaching her destination, the tall woman slowly knelt next to the simple granite marker.  There was no need to clean it off to read the inscription; she was certain that Gretchen and Phoebe made sure it was kept up.  Her finger traced the etched letters, plain and to the point: "Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway", dates and the simple motto "Ad astra" - no mention of awards or rank.  There was a more impressive memorial back at Starfleet Command for the martyred hero of the Battle of Gamma Corvi of course, but this is where Kathryn wanted to be - home.

 

She sighed and placed her hand flat against the stone, allowing her thoughts to wander.  Was it possible there was an alternate time line where she followed her heart and made what she now realized would have been the right decision - going with Kathryn and having a life with her?  Even with all the knowledge and species assimilated by the Borg, there was still no answer to that puzzle.  Time was strange - temporal anomalies and the once and future Admiral Janeway had taught Seven that.

 

A lone bird called forlornly from its perch in a nearby tree.  She glanced over and felt more than a passing kinship with the solitary animal.  "I wonder if you ever had any regrets, Captain, things you wish you had said or done."  She settled herself on the ground, a supplicant kneeling at the altar.  "I am aware that I do; I have so many now.  It was only my fear that held me back; I should have said something - all those times when I could have and perhaps now would be different."

 

The wind stirred her blonde hair and she pulled her coat closer about herself, more from habit than need as her gaze became distant.  "I watched you at your promotion ceremony when they made you an admiral.  Everyone was so excited for you.  I was proud of your achievement but I wondered why no one else seemed to care about how unhappy you appeared.  Or was I the only one who saw that?  I do not think it was solely my imagination; you looked completely different when you resigned your commission to take the revamped Voyager back into space.  Being a captain suited you, more than being a 'desk jockey' ever could."

 

She shifted and ran a delicate finger along the lines of the incised first name.  "I wonder why you never married.  Mark divorced 2.37 years ago - if you had survived, would you perhaps have chosen to be with him?  Chakotay and I did not last much longer than our return to Earth.  His family was less than welcoming and I found him to be much different than I had thought.  Was I the reason you did not pursue a relationship with the Commander on Voyager?"  Her gaze tracked to the horizon and the setting sun.  "It still puzzles me why you remained alone."

 

She had followed Kathryn's career but always at a distance.  The career had been successful but no partner or children.  When pressed, she had always demurred that she was married to her ship and that was enough.  Seven watched the interviews and wondered if it was Kathryn's loneliness or her own that she saw in the slate-gray eyes. 

 

"I wondered why you did not message me.  I consoled myself that you were simply too busy and I was occupied with my work.  I always thought you would initiate contact again.  When this did not occur, I thought perhaps I had just imagined everything between us.  Even if it was merely my imagination, my feelings for you were all too real... and so was my cowardice.  Looking back, I should have sent you a note to congratulate you on your promotion at least.  I could have told you that I missed our conversations... and that I missed you as well."

 

She brushed the tears from her eyes and stood; her movement still graceful despite the passage of time.  "It is too late for me; too late to tell you exactly how much I loved you then and still do now.  I believe I always shall."  Her fingers carried a kiss from her lips to the engraved name.  She let them rest there a moment before turning to leave; the autumn wind skirling leaves around her.

 

 

 

 


End file.
